She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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