I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
