You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
