My nipple is on Facebook.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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