it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
