Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
