tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
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He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
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You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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