she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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