i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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