I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
