for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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