Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
