Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
