I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
