After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
