where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
