Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
