I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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