im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize