im about as happy as oj after his trial
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
