He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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