she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
