I think scott just propositioned me for sex
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
