Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
so explain again why im purple
no
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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