No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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