I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
