I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
