I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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