I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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