3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
...so i touched it.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
