she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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