I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
