my vag is so smooth its legendary
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
