You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
