my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
two words: eviction party
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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