Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
