i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
