yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
