He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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