I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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