I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
