Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
True college students do jello shots in the library
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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