So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
