Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
