Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
