I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
