i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
