Apparently you make a good broom.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
What a dumb baby whore.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
