I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
