i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
