I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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