you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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