Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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