yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
