i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
