Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
