K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
