Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
