She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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