After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
