so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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