I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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