I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
