he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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