69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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