pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
