Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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