did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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