I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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