She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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