When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
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I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
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you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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