He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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