Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
