I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
