So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
