I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
