Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
