remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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