she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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