I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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